I know what you wrote last night.

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After 5 years of blogging I should have known better…it’s maths, at some point you’ll be exposed.

What if someone you know, reads your posts? What if someone you know, reads your posts and says nothing to you?  That’s spying.

I’ve thought that a lot, and according to circumstances I’ve changed a couple of blogs in the past.  Not this year darling, I won’t.

I’m a five-year old blogger who deleted two blogs because someone I knew read my posts and said nothing.  If I wanted anyone I knew to know who I am, I would show my face (and I’m pretty good-looking), I would expose my name, I would invite them to read me.  I remember blogging as an online private-personal diary, a way to get things out of our system and write about what bothers us, share our every-day life experiences and some times, yes, we would bitch about people who, one way or another, hurt us.  I have the right to keep my anonymity.

I have the feeling that people who read you and they think they know you, but say nothing to you, spy on you.  They say nothing because they’re waiting for the moment.  The moment you write something for somebody they know, something that you keep a secret, something to hold you on that.

So because I hate this kind of attitude, if anyone feels he knows me, I would appreciate the balls to confront me.  Yah man, I’m LadyStou, your friend, who has a problem with her boyfriend, who you know, but wishes not to discuss it with you.  Yes, I’m LadyStou, the blogger who studies history but doesn’t want you to know.  Yes, I’m LadyStou, who has personality issues, an internetholic, a bloggerholic.

By the way, except from internetholic and bloggerholic, none of the above is true.

Anonymous vs conventional blogging.  What do you thing? Check out the related articles, some even tricked me in attaching a face to my writing, which would be lovely, but I’m not there yet.

Related Articles

• The good and the bad blogger (ladystou.wordpress.com)
• I Do TOO Have A Life! (nrhatch.wordpress.com)
• A Blogger’s Invisibility Cloak – Anonymous Blogging. (blogs.vinuthomas.com)
• Anonymous Blogging 101: a Quick and Dirty Primer (http://www.problogger.net)

I'm not perfect

I’m not the kind of girls who work in an office nine to five, definately not the kind with skirts, dresses and make up.  I work in a warehouse, so today I’m wearing athletic pants, running shoes and the company’s labeled T-shirt.

I died my hair at home yesterday at 2 a.m.  I fell asleep at 4.  I cleaned my kitchen while dying my hair.  I woke up extremely tired and sad for many things.

I forget things, I forget where I put my keys, if I turned the oven off, birthdays n holidays, I even forget if I fed the dogs, I get out of the car leaving my keys in.  I smoke a lot, I can’t follow a diet, I stopped working out many years ago,  I don’t do laundry everyday, I don’t clean everyday, I don’t cook everyday, I don’t take a bath everyday…Sometimes I bit my nails, sometimes my hair are messy…

So, I’ve tought my self to work every detail, keep diaries, plans, writing down, scheduling n setting priorities.  When I need to die my hair, when I’ll take a bath, when and what to cook, when to go and what to buy from the super market, my holidays, my weekends…but I don’t always go as planned, I’m spontaneous, I leave blanks to fill as desired.

I’m not perfect and you should’t remind me of all my flaws.  You shouldn’t make me feel bad and you shouldn’t humble me.  From all, you should see all the goodness in me, all my pros, all the things that pushed you to me.

You shouldn’t forget that I’m kind to you and everyone around you, that when I say I’ll do sth I keep my word, that I accomplish  many tasks at the same time cause I have a lot of things in my mind, I too get tired at work, I come home late at night to clean and cook, that I’m honest, that I am trying to meet your standarts (even if I fail)-thought there shouldn’t be any standards-we are living together for 2 years now, that I was beautiful to your eyes once, that my being spontaneous and crazy excited you, that no matter what I’ll buy you a birthday gift (even if I forget to give it to you), that I’ve never lied to you, that I take care of you, that I’ve changed my life for you, that maybe I love you and I thought that maybe you did too.

I’m not perfect and trying to be, makes me even worst.  My expectations are not hight, I never tried to change you, you shouldn’t expect from me to change.  I’m original, I am what I am and I’m sth else because of you.    So before you criticise me, lets take a good look at you.  But then again, I never put you down and I will never do, this is not who I am.

Am I the one?

Jack n Mary just gave birth to a healthy little boy, their first child.  Nick n Anna are moving in together, Kat n Peter are planning to have a baby, you know Vicky already has kids, Nichol n Faith moved in with their boyfriends  as well and in October I’m attending a wedding.  Everywhere I turn I see couples, babies n weddings.

I never thought I would want to get married.  I’ve had 3 long relationships till now and with noone did I ever dreamed of a family, not even the white dress moved me.  Today I  count 2 years with my man, who we live together n I’m dying for him to fall to his knees.  Though we’ve talked about us getting married, I thought with all our friends taking a step further would affect him.  So when in Rome I waited for a Valentine’s confession, when in Mallorca I hoped for the perfect birthday gift and when everyone wishes us for marriage I’m waiting for the look.

What bothers me is brainwashing, yes brainwashing.  In the past I wouldn’t trouble my mind, but now friends n family are like all over me, trying to make me feel guilty of being unmarried, with no kids.  I am 29 after all plus I’m not getting any younger.  So I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m looking forward to a proposal.  Am I going mad here or what?

I know my man has financial difficulties, this is clearly our biggest obstacle.  But isn’t there any way he could understand that money will always be a problem?  We are not getting any richer too.  Plus I don’t want a big fat greek wedding, I’m ok with a cheap bahamian one….Sometimes it even crosses my mind “I’m not the one”.